Title: WallbangerAuthor: Alice Clayton
If you scan the hashtag #bookstagram on Instagram, you will find a lot of awesome books. You will also find some terrible books that you skim until you get to the sex parts, and even those are not very good.
Wallbanger is not the kind of book I would normally pick up. I prefer love interests who are damaged and brooding, and who have personalities that extend beyond being good in bed. But over and over, I saw it heralded as "hilarious" on Instagram.
So I picked it up at the library. I used the self-checkout, OBVIOUSLY.
Before I was 20 pages in, I was eyeing my red pen with a strong desire to Edit This Crap. For instance, I read the following paragraph 4 times and I still can't figure out this sequence of events involving the main character, Caroline:
"Before heading for the shower, I went to catch the a.m. news. That's when I heard the noise in the hallway. I headed back into the kitchen, [the cat] at my heels, and poured some food into a bowl. Now that he had what he needed, I was quickly forgotten. As I headed for the shower, I heard movement in the hallway."
...How many hall noises were there? Was her cat in the hall? What happened to the AM news? How will she ever have a shower if she keeps getting distracted by news and hallway sounds??
I also had a problem with the way women are portrayed in the book. At one point, Caroline wants to celebrate with her boss at work. She giggles, reaches into her desk, and pulls out Blow Pops. Two professional women. At work. Giggling and sucking on lollipops with gum inside.
Also a grown woman muses over combinations of her and her boyfriend's names: "Ryan Hall... Mimi Reyes Hall... Mimi Hall."
ARE THESE WOMEN ALL TWELVE? They even play a truth-or-dare kissing game. I shit you not.
Obviously, you should not read this. If you're looking for sexy with a lot of funny thrown in, try Katie MacAlister instead.
Full disclosure: I got it at the library, and restrained myself from editing it in pen. You're welcome, future readers of this terrible book!